See? It is all above board

Michael Nugent wrote a blog post earlier today where he summarises my evidence to de (feckin) tribunal.

When he says “Our Prime Minister”, he means me!

Here’s the situation if Ahern is telling the truth:

• Our Prime Minister took money from businessmen, and put it towards buying a house for himself. He did not pay tax on at least some of this money, which he has described as ‘a political donation for personal use.’
• Our Prime Minister lodged several times his salary into various bank accounts, in his own name, his girlfriend’s name, and his friend Tim Collins name, and he has given varying and unbelievable explanations for these lodgements.
• Our Prime Minister accepted money from friends and businessmen who he appointed to state boards. He said that he appointed them not because they gave him money, but because they were his friends.
• Our Prime Minister was aware for over a decade that political party funds in his constituency had been given to his girlfriend for her to buy a house. This money was not repaid until the Tribunal found out about it.
• Our Prime Minister told our national parliament that he had consulted the tax authorities about certain personal financial transactions of his, when this was not true. He later claimed that ‘the tax authorities’ means his personal tax advisers.

See, nothing untoward goin on there, just helpin out a few oul friends, and dey helpin me out in return. Where’s de harm in dat?

A list of the dig outs I got…

JC Skinner was very kind and put up a list of the dig outs I got from my friends and relatives (alive and dead) over the years.

30 December 1993: Bertie Ahern lodges IR£22,500:
of which IR£15,000 cash,
IR£5,000 from Padraic O’Connor of NCB
and IR£2,500 from Des Richardson.

25 April 1994 Bertie Ahern lodges IR£30,000,
of which IR£27,164.44 to special savings account
and IR£2,835.26 to current account.

8 August 1994 Bertie Ahern lodges IR£20,000
to account in names of daughters

11 October 1994 Foreign Exchange.
Bertie Ahern lodges IR£24,838.49 to deposit account
(equates to £25,000 stg)

5 December 1994 IR£50,000
(in two amounts-28,000 and 22,000)
is transferred from Bertie Ahern’s account to Celia Larkin account (CL1)

5 December 1994 Foreign Exchange.
IR£28,772.90 lodged to Celia Larkin account (CL2)
(equates to $45,000)

19 January 2005 IR£50,000 transferred from Celia Larkin deposit account to cash save account

27 January 1995 IR£50,000 withdrawn from Celia Larkin Deposit Account and given to Bertie Ahern

15 May 1995 IR£8,442 withdrawn from CL2

19 June 1995 IR£20,050.91 withdrawn from CL2 for work on house

22 June 1995 Foreign Exchange
IR£9,684.71 balance from CL2 used to open a new Larkin account - CL3
Also lodged to this account on this day was IR£11,743.74,
comprising IR£2,000 and £10,000 stg (£IR 9742.74)

24 July 1995 IR£9,655 lodged into CL3 account

1 December 1995 Foreign Exchange
IR£19,142.92 lodged to Bertie Ahern’s deposit account
(equates to £20,000 stg)

New A/Cs Feb ‘08
IPBS a/c £38,000
BT a/c £52,000
That’s half a million euro worth of dig outs in total.

I was havin’ trouble keepin track of it meself. Now I can forward it on to that eejit Des O’Neill and maybe that’ll stop him pestering me with all de ridiculous questions.

I mean what’s a few dig outs between friends?

Broadband again? Read my blog!

Aw Jaysus,

I was listening to Morning Ireland this morning and that whinger John McElligot from Ebay Ireland comes on complaining again about the lack of broadband in Ireland.

Hasn’t he read my blog post on how Ireland is the number 1 in the world for broadband?

C’mon John, you are getting boring now, like that oul Mulley fecker, constantly complaining, even when we brought in experts to sort the problem out.

When the going gets tough

De lads in Boyzone wrote a great little ditty a few years back called “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”.

I always like to see myself in that song, and now that the going is getting a little bit tough, I’m getting goin! I’m off for a little bit of a trip to Slovenia.

It is great, I haven’t been to the Middle East in ages. I hope Slovenia isn’t wan of them places where you can’t get drink. De heat’d have me gasping for a pint!

See yiz all soon.

My views on tax evasion

Just in case any of youse lot are in any doubt about how I feel about not payin yer taxes here is a video interview I gave back in 1993 where I talked about how much I hate all dat tax evasion stuff:

Let that be a lesson to all de naysayers.

Thankfully my closest ally Brian (Brutus to his friends) Cowen is sticking by me.

My problem solving flowchart

I came up wit dis great problem-solving flowchart de udder day. Solves all my problems and gets me to see de lads playing at de weekend too.

I thought it was great and showed it to a few friends in de party, next ting you know, those scurrilous little feckers over at de Irish Election website found a copy of de flowchart and published it on der blog.

Who is dat Cian fellah at Irish Election and where does he get his info?

Ireland number 1 in de world for broadband

I was talkin to dat fellah Eamon Ryan of de Fianna Green party de other day and he told me dat Ireland is now de number one country in de world for broadband. He says we have the fastest, cheapest broadband in de world (apart from a few other countries) and you can get broadband anywhere now. He said someting else den about about terms and conditions applying but it probably wasn’t important.

Maybe dis will finally shut dat Mulley fecker up.

How Yis?

I’m Bertie Ahern, de Taoiseach.

I’m in a bit o’ bother lately wit de feckin tribunal. Just ‘cos my memory isn’t as good as it used to be.

I found me old diary de other day dough and dis will show dat O’Neill fellah dat I’m as honest as any politician. Here’s a bit I wrote in 1993:

On me way down Drumcondra road dis morning what did I find in a paper bag, only £30,000? D’as great. Now I can buy dat house for Celia dat she has been on and on about.

I must remember to call de lads in de revenue later on today and tell dem or dis could come back and bite me in de arse in a couple of years.

See, it was all perfectly innocent. I put it in de constituency account for safekeeping and den bought de house wit it. All perfectly legit.